Is that the smell of water burning? EPISODE 3: CHEER THE FUCK UP WITH A SANDWHICH
STEP 1: GET YO INGREDIENTS IN THEY PLACE FOO. YOU GOTTA HAVE YO SHIT RIGHT. THIS AIN’T NO MOTHAFUCKIN’ GAME. I GO HARD IN DA MOTHERFUCKIN’ PAINT.
DELI TURKEY (ALTERNATIVELY HAM OR SPARE RIBS)
SAY CHEESE, MOTHERFUCKER (FOR THIS SANDWICH I PREFER THAT WHITE ASS CHEESE BUT IT’S YOUR SANDWICH AND THIS IS AMERICA)
GET SOME CHIPS BITCH (I USE SUN CHIPS FOR THIS BUT YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT DORITOS WORK OR EVEN THOSE MULTI COLORED NATURAL CHIPS THOSE ARE ACTUALLY THE BEST FOR THIS CAUSE THEY’RE FUCKING GREAT AMIRITE?)
MUSTARD! (I USE SPICY BROWN BECAUSE IT IS INDISPUTABLY THE BEST MUSTARD.)
STEP 2: PUT THAT MUSTARD ON THAT BREAD.
STEP 3: PUT THAT TURKEY AND CHEESE ON THE MUSTARD ON THE BREAD. LAYERS FOOL!
STEP 4: FUCK THOSE CHIPS UP!
STEP 5: PUT THE CHIPS ON THE SANDWICH.
STEP 6: CLOSE THAT SHIT UP AND EAT IT LIKE U KNO ME.
Guess what this is. Guess what food this is advertised as and that if you follow the instructions you will get. Guess. Guess.
I FUCKING DARE YOU.
Jack O’Keeffe learns about Wasabi Peas
“Man, I sure am hungry and could use some food now that I am home.”
“Wait a second, what are these?”
“Well, I found these in the kitchen so therefore, they are edible.”
“How bad can this be?”
“Well this isn’t really that-“
“I am still pretty hungry, though…”
WHAT COULD GO WRONG
Welp, time to go.
Here goes nothing.
Thanks to all my followers for bearing with me, and all the words of support.
This is me right now.
I feel like a fool.
And not the usual Punchline fool
More along the lines of the idiotic, unworthy fool who can’t do a simple task.
Such as have a date to something, or even be able to tell if it is a date because it was never explicitly stated and I’m sorry if me blogging about this isn’t a good thing but I just need to talk to people who want to listen and that’s what I consider my followers and just ugh everything’s going to go horribly and why can’t I just do this simply and not overthink things.
So my roommate’s friend is over playing his Xbox with him, and he’s talking about how he’s “Lost his Mojo”.
Apparently he was in the elevator with some hot girl and didn’t talk to her.
If acting like that is a lack of mojo, I must be in like, negative mojo-land.
Like I can understand making elevator conversation, especially with someone you know. But talking to someone you don’t know? Especially if they’re attractive? WHEN THEY DON’T SPEAK TO YOU FIRST? That’s just levels of risk and I dare not preform such a task for I know the other elevatee will think I’m creepy and awkward as hell, and also be correct.
To help explain my beliefs in Jack O’Keeffe Elevator Interactions:
Me in the elevator (by myself):
“Pusin’ floor number four. Like Always.”
“THIS ELEVATOR CAN’T EVEN HANDLE ME RIGHT NOW!”
“Oop, I’m here.”
And then I depart.
How I react when I’m in the elevator with someone else:
Questions of a Socially Awkward Man-Boy With A Crush
How do I appropriately have feelings for someone?
And like, what do you do to show them without just having an explosion of emotion?
Also, How do you tell if something is just a friend thing or if they’re actually interested in you?
Also, what do you do when you shy up around said person and aren’t able to be nearly as “oh yeah, I like you too” as you want?
My face when I don’t know the answers to these things.
tl;dr: HOW DO I LIKE THINGS THAT ARE ALSO PEOPLE?
REASONS I’M GETTING A SINGLE DORM NEXT YEAR #1:
My roomate makes me feel like I’m a slob.
So we’ll be chilling on our computers, me on my Macbook and him on his fancy Alienware PC and I’ll be snackin’ on something. Popcorn, Chex Mix, Sunflower Seeds, etc.
How I imagine I’m eating:
But then my roomate is all:
“Hey, could you chew with your mouth closed?” (And yes, this is an actual picture of him.)
Now, note that it’s not like he’s looking at me or anything. Our backs are turned to each other. So it was the sound of me chewing that he couldn’t handle.
All of a sudden I think that when I was chewing before my methodology was something along the lines of:
OM NOM NOM NOM NOM FUCKING NOM SO LOUD YOU CAN’T GET SHIT DONE.
So then the whole time when I’m trying to eat it becomes:
“You’re not trying to EAT SOMETHING are you?” (He’s just in my mind this time)
*super quiet om noming*
So yeah, hopefully with my own room I can eat as loud as I like and be sloppy and stuff.
I really don’t think that if I try to walk to the Dining Hall, I’m going to make it without just falling asleep on the ground.
I feel TERRIBLE I have a TERRIBLE cough that I need to pick up some DAYQUIL to try and get rid of before TECH and I NEED to do ALL my HOMEWORK and I just WISH that SOMETHING could make this all EASIER but it CAN’T and this IRRITATES me.
“I just wanted a picture. You can’t disappoint a picture.”
OH GOD, GPOY
GPOY TO SO MANY DEGREES
I WISH THIS EXISTED WEEKS AGO!