A Commentary on Act I, scene i, lines 1-16 of “Hamlet, Prince of Denmark” for my Shakespeare: Tragedies and Romances class

After writing this out, I think I may have been looking at a faulty translation. Too tired to investigate further tonight. Should I still turn this in?

During the prologue, the setting of the play becomes the topic of discussion. Although the title of the play is “Hamlet, Prince of Denmark”, the first words spoken by the narrator, who though unnamed, for the sake of this commentary we will assume is Prince Hamlet himself, are “Rack Rack City, Bitch.” (I, i, 1-3) This states that although the titular character is Hamlet, Prince of Denmark he has for one reason or another, traveled to Rack Rack City.

Prince Hamlet of Denmark, currently in Rack Rack City, proclaims that “Mustard on the beet.” (I, i, 4) This tells us that over the course of the play, Hamlet is feasting on beets with mustard. Mustard-seasoned Beets are now thought by historians to be a common meal of royalty in Shakespeare’s time. ( “A Feast Fit For a Shakespeare”, 42-43.)

After reminding us of the location he is feasting in once more, Prince Hamlet points out to Ophelia “Ten Ten Ten Twenty on your Titties, Bitch.” (I, i, 5) This is the first of many times we see not only Hamlet’s unique counting method, wherein he states rounded numbers to be added up, but also his odd obsession with women’s breasts. The 50 on Ophelia’s breasts could mean a number of things, however the general consensus is that it is a reference to Numerology in which the number 50 is ruled by the planet Mercury. ( “Numerology in Literature”, 235)  Basically, Hamlet wished that Ophelia had a larger chest. Oddly enough, later in the play Hamlet declares himself to be an ass-man, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The thing to take away from this oft-repeated phrase is that A.) Hamlet enjoys big breasts B.) Ophelia killed herself because hers were too small.

Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, is attending a crowded party filled with royalty in Rack Rack city. “100 deep VIP, no guest list” (I, i, 6). The tension is high, as Hamlet warns his political opponent “T-raw, you don’t know who you fuckin’ with.” (I, i, 7). Hamlet has come to Rack Rack City to declare his plan to attempt to breed female dogs with each other. “Got my other bitch fuckin’ with my other bitch.” (I, i, 8). Hamlet, seemingly unable to stick to one topic, suddenly proclaims his crippling sex addiction to the 99 others in the room “Fuckin’ all night, nigga we ain’t celibate” (I, i, 10). During an aside to the audience, Hamlet tells us that the other partygoers “say I’m too dope, I ain’t selling it.” (I, i, 11) They find it impossible to believe that someone as cool a guy as Hamlet could have such a problem. Hamlet himself even believes he is “fresher than a motherfuckin’ peppermint.” (I, i, 12)

Hamlet, despite having just announced his terrible addiction, still tells the people of Rack Rack City that he is the best option to lead them, especially after the Gold Lettermans, a religious sect under the control of the previous king, slaughtered a great deal of the citizens of Rack Rack City. “Gold Letttermans, Last King killin’ shit.” (I, i, 13) His declares that his first act as King will be to begin printing new money “Y-Young Money, Young Money, yeah we gettin’ rich” (I, i, 14) obviously having no clue how the global financial system works. 

The first hints at the Oedipal undertones of the play spring up in this early scene when Hamlet tells the people of Rack Rack City that he “Got Grandma On My Dick” (I, i, 15). However it isn’t clear, many scholars believe that this implies that Hamlet is having sexual relation with his grandmother. ( “Motherfuckers in Shakespeare” 84) This belief is also held by Ophelia, who appears concerned. When silently questioned by Ophelia, Hamlet merely tells her that “Girl you know what it is.” (I, i, 16)

Here’s a full copy of the version of the text I used for this paper. (NSFW)


My reaction to reading the stage direction [She hands him a tumbler] in Miss Julie by August Strindberg.

Me preforming Bassanio’s monologue from Act 3 Scene ii of The Merchant of Venice which I’m doing for my BFA audition, with some… improvisation, and a cameo appearance by my roommate against his knowledge.

But yeah, I’m much more confident about my contemporary one.

So yeah?


Short Play of the Day: The Charlottesville Community Players’ first staged reading of a one-act play based on the fictional backstory of Rebecca Black’s “Friday” you knew was coming is now here.

[thanks anon!]





"Look at me now. Impotent. Can’t strike a kill unless the charts are right. Stuck in my image. Stuck in a mansion. Waiting. Waiting for a kid who’s probably just like me. Just like I was then. A young blood. And I gotta off him. I gotta roll him or he’ll roll me. We’re fightin’ ourselves. Just like turnin’ the blade on ourselves. Suicide, man. Maybe Little Willard was right. Blow your fuckin’ brains out. The whole thing’s a joke. Stick a gun in your fuckin’ mouth and pull the trigger. That’s what it’s all about. That’s what we’re doin’. He’s my brother and I gotta kill him. He’s gotta kill me. Jimmy Dean was right. Drive the fuckin’ Spider till it stings ya’ to death. Crack up your soul! Jackson Pollock! Duane Allman! Break it open! Pull the trigger! Trigger me! Trigger you! Drive it off a cliff! It’s an open highway. Long and clean and deadly beautiful. Deadly and lonesome as a jukebox… Alone. That’s me. Alone. That’s us. All fucking alone. All of us. So don’t go off in your private rooms with pity in mind. Your day is comin’. The mark’ll come down to you one way or the other."

-“The Tooth of Crime” by Sam Shepard.

This was my audition monologue for “Danny and the Deep Blue Sea”. (It’s not the entire published monologue from my monologue book. I only did an excerpt. If you want the whole thing buy a copy of The Modern Monologue for Men! Don’t buy it from Amazon though. They’re evil.) I think I did a really good job. It’s the first time I was confident going in to an audition and confident coming out! I’m hoping to get at least a callback.

After I did it once he made me try to do it in a Brooklyn accent. I don’t think that part went really well like AT ALL. I definitely had some kind of accent at the beginning, but then it just kinda fell off the tracks.